My mom died on a Friday.
I still remember every little detail of that day like it was just yesterday…
My dad coming to get me from the room I was in and letting me know it was nearly time. Holding her hand tight and getting one last kiss on her forehead. All of us gathered around her as a family, as she took her last breath. The combined feeling of utter devastation and a strange sense of relief.
Our Beloved Mama Bear, Queen and Matriarch was gone. Her hard fought battle finally over. Our hearts and souls forever changed by what we experienced together over those last months of walking her home.
Some days, the memory of it all sneaks up on me and takes my breath away.
It was the single most heart wrenching and intense experience of my life.
Truthfully, it was traumatic in many ways.
And yet, I have said it before and it remains true that it was also an experience that held countless blessings and gifts within it.
Perhaps one of the most precious among these is that on nearly every day, with few exceptions over the last months we had together, we engaged in a beautiful daily ritual of prayer, of reading messages of peace, hope, faith and inspiration, as we sought to find our way through this most difficult passage, in search of divine guidance, insight, understanding and precious pearls of wisdom.
On some days, I would also share some of my favourite songs with her, sing to her, and get her to sing along with me. On a few occasions, I also got to share some of my newest budding creations with her.
I started writing this song shortly after her diagnosis. It brought some much needed healing and was supportive as I sought to find my way through this immense initiation.
I would sing it as a way to allow my grief to be present and find some fleeting moments of peace during this most tender time.
I completed the song ten days before she passed and I got to share a live version with her the day after it was captured on a livestream.
It was a true gift and one of many sacred and precious moments we shared that I will forever treasure.
I recorded and self-produced this version on the one year anniversary of her passing, just for me, as a way to channel my grief, and in hopes of finding some felt sense of connection with her that I was deeply missing in her physical absence.
I came back upon it a few days ago and got the feeling that it’s time to set it free and share it with the world, in her honour and perhaps in support of anyone else going through something similar.
The heartbreak of losing a parent, the immense love a son or daughter has for the one who gave them life, and the knowing that they will always be with us, watching over us from the other side.
Mom was truly a miracle and a force of nature. Her legacy is one of boundless Love and her unparalleled ability to use the adversity and the challenges she faced in her life as fuel for greater passion and deeper purpose.
May her legacy of Love continue to grow and multiply, and may her inextinguishable bright Light shine on down the ages.
Much love,
Chris
Ps. The image above is one of my fave pics of her. It’s how I imagine her now, at Home in Heaven and soaring free.
